Serpentor sucks

[anarky]

"Tell us something we don't know."

I was just wondering, for reasons even I don't know, who was used in creating Serpentor. So I checked the ever-reliable Wikipedia and, sure enough, there's a list. Thing is, I think this list is total bullshit. The names specifically listed as "comics only" or "cartoon only" are some of the few I trust from this list for certain.

His filecard specifically lists Napoleon [Bonaparte], Julius Caesar, Attilla the Hun, and Hannibal.

I think the ones I have the most problems from this list, which admits to being speculative:

Hitler: On the surface, this one would seem to make a lot of sense. However, I can't see a toy manufacturer in 1986 agreeing to allowing one of its characters to be cloned from such a recent historical monster.

Mussolini and Franco: Same as Hitler, though they were far less competent, militarily speaking. Interestingly, Tojo isn't on the list. I guess the dumbass who put it together didn't realize there were other Axis nations.

Karl Marx: Uh, why? Did they want Serpentor to be an economist?

Rasputin: Again, why? "Let's create an emperor who will control things from the sidelines!" That seems contrary to the entire reason they made him in 'toons or comics.

Mao Zedong: Yeesh, why not put Gorbachev in there?

Simon Bolivar: This would go over well, making the hero of Latin America part of Serpentor.

King Solomon: According to this site, the filecard states he has Solomon's DNA. However, the card reads, "The thoughts of the Cobra Emperor have not drifted from global conquest since the reign of King Solomon." Nothing about DNA from Solomon, but from someone at the same time who was bent on global conquest--something never said about Solomon.

Maybe this should be called "Wikipedia sucks." How would I go about alerting them that this page is poorly written and full of shit info? All I can find is stuff telling me to fix it myself, which I haven't got the resources, time, or interest to do.

[Eternal Padawan]

Alexander the Great was on the list, wasn't he?

[anarky]

Yeah, but there were a lot of people who I didn't have issue with.

[Stormshadow]

I was on the list.

[anarky]

Wrong!!

You were a sort of conduit for the dead souls to pass through. I don't recall that fairy Mindbender mentioning your DNA.

Of course, the real question: Why does Josh Blaylock like this stupid POS so much? Did he intend to chase away all the Joe readers by resurrecting him two or three times within the last couple of years?

[Eternal Padawan]

Let's stick with the comic origin from issue 48 (?). There were ten bodies originally , and the eleventh body was that of the recently deceased Stormshadow?

After we take Napoleon, Caesar, Atilla, and Hannibal off the list that leaves us with six.

I think it's reasonable to assume, Alexander and Ghengis Kahn are on there, which leaves us with four. Although relatively unknown, I can't see Sun Tzu not being not he list

From here we have to speculate who came up with the origin of Serpentor and who fleshed it out. It's reasonable to suspect Larry Hama as the chief architect if not the original idea. ( Hama has said he thought Serpentor sucked and he was right). Hasbro gave him the rough outline "new leader created from the DNA of historical warriors" and let him fill in the blanks. After sussing out the six we already mentioned, who would Hama see as worthy of being on the list? And under what pretext would he be searching for the perfect bad guy DNA? In other words, who would agents of COBRA see as like candidates? And as decidedly two dimensional villains, who would HAMA use to characterize their obvious villainy? In that context, douchebags like Hitler would be obvious choices to get the point that this was the ULTIMATE bad guy across to little 10 year old boys buying the toys and reading the comics. In that respect, Rasputin becomes a likely candidate for his cunning devious nature.

[anarky]

Like I said, I could see Hitler being used, but not Hasbro, Marvel, or Sunbow ever admitting to this.

That is, if they could find out where his remains were. His body was burned, and the ashes moved from Soviet base to Soviet base in East Germany, until they were finally dumped into a sewer, I think in the 70s.

Fragments of skull and teeth remained in Moscow, where they reside to this day, but would the Cobras have known that?

Of course, we have to ignore the fact that no one knows where Genghis Khan is buried, and Caesar was cremated, so a little bending of truth is necessary.

What really sucks: This actually could be a cool origin for a non-Joe character. But since it was used for Serpentor, and he's so high profile, no one could ever get away with doing it now.

[Eternal Padawan]

That and cloning has become a lame story concept. Way to go, Spidey. You fucked it for everybody.

[Bizarro The Grin]

i CAN'T TELL YOU MUCH ABOUT sERPENTOR, BUT cOBRA cOMMANDER HAS A LITTLE OF MY dna IN HIM.

uNLESS HE POOPED IT OUT ALREADY.

[Eternal Padawan]

The more you write, The more I'm convinced you are a virgin.

[anarky]

I'm not so much convinced that he's a virgin as I am that he's far less butch than he pretends to be, and far more bitch.

[Ran]

Karl Marx: Uh, why? Did they want Serpentor to be an economist?

Well someone has to figure out how to pay for all of the COBRA secret bases and equipment that gets trashed in every episode of the cartoon.