the vynsane asylum

sO, LAST NIGHT, i WAS LYING IN BED, BASKING IN THE GLOW OF sENOR jABBAjOHNl'S ORGASM. aND, SINCE i'D MADE A nEW yEAR'S RESOLUTION TO GET TO BETTER KNOW THE FATHERS i'M FUCKING, i ASKED HIM HOW HIS KIDS WERE DOING.

hE SAID HE DIDN'T HAVE KIDS; HE WAS JUST INTO THE GAY SEX!

cAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? tHAT DIRTY SON OF A BITCH HACKED INTO MY bLACKBERRY TO PROVIDE FALSE INFORMATION JUST SO HE COULD FEEL MY BIG BLACK DICK IN HIS ASS!

i WASN'T GOING TO PUT UP WITH THIS SORT OF SHIT, SO i MADE HIM TOSS MY SALAD. i POURED THE MAPLE SYRUP UP MY HOLE, AND HE HAPPILY OBLIGED. aND THEN HE PROMISED NO MORE GAY ENCOUNTERS WITH ME UNTIL HE HAD KIDS OF HIS OWN, AND HE WAS GOING TO START WORKING ON THAT AS SOON AS HE COULD.

i MEAN, THE KID'S GOOD IN THE SACK, BUT CAN YOU BELIEVE THE NERVE?

The real story:

Yesterday, Bizarro the Grin was making his usual Monday rounds in my neighborhood, but this time the little fatherfucker was in my house when I got home. The god damn faggot was lying naked on my fucking couch with his tiny-ass dick hanging out of his pants, asking when my dad was going to get home. I told him to get the fuck out before I cut his dick off, but then the god damn asshole got a boner and started talking in caps. He started running after me so I just left, the sight of Bizarro the Grin masturbating far behind me in the distance. I then yelled out and told him I'm never having kids simply because I don't want to see his stupid gay-ass face around here anymore.

He then jacked off on my coffee table and didn't wipe it off. He's gonna get the bill in the mail for a new one soon.

And there you have it.

The worst part is when BTG starts blubbering like a little sissy about all the guys on the Water Polo team in high school that would pants him in the gymnasium in front of all the Hot Cheerleaders. Then he balls up in the corner and I have to turn the volume way up on the TV and shout "Dude! Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to watch Scrubs over here."

Godammit, BTG is an annoying fucking little prat of a douche. Grow a pair already.

Funny you should mention Scrubs, since he was looking at pictures of Zach Braff when he had his dick hanging out.

I didn't know Zach Braff had kids?

I'll never forgive him for exposing my Mandy Moore to whatever it is he has in his shorts. Filthy jackass.

Has her name ever come up in the "Who do you want" list?

anarky wrote:I didn't know Zach Braff had kids?

He doesn't, which is why BTG was just touching himself and looking at Braff instead of actually fucking him.

And now you know.

I'm surprised Storm Shadow never responded with "And knowing is half the battle."

You made that up.

sO, jjl, YOU TAKEN THE PLUNGE YET? i'M LOOKING FORWARD TO YOU PULLING OFF MY fRENCH MAID'S OUTFIT WITH YOUR TEETH AGAIN.

No I haven't, but when I do, I sure as fuck ain't tellin' you.