the vynsane asylum

I couldn't find the original thread, but I remember someone wrote about ants. And lately, I've been having an ant problem at the 'ol Bum Cake castle.

They're fucking everywhere!

I live in southern California and it's been really hot and dry down here recently, so the ants have been invading my home in search of water and a cooler temperature. Which is worse cause they've been coming in even when there's no food around. I have nothing, but they still keep coming in. And I keep spraying ant killer, vinegar, perfume, anything to keep them away. But nothing keeps them away; not even Windex. Seven is a liar.

But I've gotten so used to swatting stray ants on my arms and legs that I sometimes mistake my freckles for ants. It has gotten to the point where I look down at my arm and I have like 3 freckles on my arm and I think they're ants. I have even tried to swat at my freckles. This is absolutely true. It happened to me today.

Realizing my miscalculation, I poured gasoline on my arm and set it on fire. That'll keep the ants away....or will it?

Those aren't freckles, that's your herpes break out!

I've been getting these little beetle-y things hanging out in our laundry in the basement. I've only seen a half dozen or so and they're contained to just right there, but I fucking hate them. And bees. If all bees died I wouldn't be sad. I can do without flowers, honey and "Bee Movie".

One time I had ants crawling across our kitchen counter and I gently redirected the lead ant to get back in line and since all the other ants were following him, they ended up walking around in a circle. ha ha. Stupid ants.


Cappy, you take back that bee comment. Bees are our friends and if they dissappear, WE ALL DIE.

RoIIo Tomassi wrote: Cappy, you take back that bee comment. Bees are our friends and if they dissappear, WE ALL DIE.

While I'm well aware of their ecological impact (though I've never heard the "no bees, no people" thing before I'd be interested in hearing more) I just can't understand why the fuck they always choose my vinyl siding to make their happy little fucking homes in. I can't even go out back for a cigarette without having to smack a bitch anymore.

Also, the last time I was stung still bodes poorly with me and I thank God every day that there were not more people around to witness it. I was walking across campus to deliver some mail and this cocksucker jumped out of a pine tree and attacked the living piss out of me, causing me to flail about wildly and drop/throw the few envelopes I had. To make matters worse, the fucking cunt got stuck between the bill of my hat and the earpiece on my sunglasses, allowing him to continuously nail me over and over again (anyone who says bees sting once is a goddamn liar of the highest order as I'm positive he got me no less than twice). It didn't swell up too bad, but it still felt like my temple was trying to pop a boner against concrete for the rest of the day and I had a bangin' headache.

In summation: Fuck bees.

I tried once. Its vagina was way too small. And it stunk me right on my left testicle. Imagine explaining that to the doctor. Yeah, wasn't much fun.

Bees are assholes.
Last summer I was walking out of my house, minding my own business, and one of them fuckers stung me on the arm. When I got home and walked to the house another one of the peckerheads (or maybe the same one - sunsabitches all look the same) stung me on the arm!
I two itchy large swollen red blotches on my arm for a week.

And last week I went into my shed to get the grill out and as I turned around a hive slightly bigger than a softball was above my head. I sprayed the living fuck out of it with wasp/hornet killer and watched several of the fuckers fall to the ground squirming in death pains.

And we have three bushes by our back door that always has a few bees near it.

Here's for you androgynous...er...antroprovinous...antlerpoverish...fuck it!

Antropov wrote:To make matters worse, the fucking cunt got stuck between the bill of my hat and the earpiece on my sunglasses, allowing him to continuously nail me over and over again (anyone who says bees sting once is a goddamn liar of the highest order as I'm positive he got me no less than twice).

it was more likely a yellowjacket, or wasp. distantly related to the ant family, they have biting mandibles as well as a fixed stinger, as opposed to true bees that have only the barbed stinger that pulls part of the abdomen out upon sting. yellowjackets are also known to be highly aggressive.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bee_sting

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellowjacket

Thanks, vyn. I never knew yellowjackets and wasps (W.A.S.P.S.?) weren't technically bees. Interesting stuff!

Deox wrote:Here's for you androgynous...er...antroprovinous...antlerpoverish...fuck it!

Nasty. Bees creep me out when they swarm in midair but are somehow even more intimidating when they're all cooped up like that and milling about in one place. Thanks, now my dreams will all end with me being sucked into a tree's vag and being eaten by non-flying bees.

Antropov wrote:Thanks, vyn. I never knew yellowjackets and wasps (W.A.S.P.S.?) weren't technically bees. Interesting stuff!

yeah, i hate wasps. i know they're good predators of pest insects and such, but some are just real assholes. yellowjackes and bald-faced wasps are known to be highly aggressive in defense of the nest and only a little less in self-preservation scenarios, whereas honeybees and bumblebees are rather gentle unless the hive is directly in danger. this is in part due to the fact that the bee dies upon stinging, so there is little benefit to a self-preservation sting.

a good tell as to whether you're dealing with a wasp or a bee is the hind legs - wasps dangle their hind pair below the body in flight, and bees tuck them in. bees might also be carrying a lot of lightly-colored pollen on their hind legs.

Deox wrote:Here's for you androgynous...er...antroprovinous...antlerpoverish...fuck it!

Nasty. Bees creep me out when they swarm in midair but are somehow even more intimidating when they're all cooped up like that and milling about in one place. Thanks, now my dreams will all end with me being sucked into a tree's vag and being eaten by non-flying bees.[/quote]

well, don't read about the velvet ant then... they're wingless wasps!

Wasps are also generally hairless (at least to the naked eye). If you can get up close enough to tell.

Hornets are big on self preservation. We used to live in a neighborhood with a lot of townhouses, but it had a lot of open areas. One summer a tree on a hill in a common area right arcoss from our house had a hornets nest in it. IT had to be about the size of a soccer ball. My friends and I were probably 11 or 12 at the time, and this tree was close to the field we played. We ended up screwing with it by throwing stuff at it. Bad idea. One of us made a direct hit. I turned and ran for home. One of the hornets stung me on the butt. I tried to swat it as I ran. So, it bit be in between the fingers, too.

We went back later and found we took out half of the nest. One of our parents ended up getting some spray and taking it down.

Rogue II wrote:Hornets are big on self preservation. [...] One summer a tree on a hill in a common area right arcoss from our house had a hornets nest in it. [...] We ended up screwing with it by throwing stuff at it. Bad idea. One of us made a direct hit. I turned and ran for home. One of the hornets stung me on the butt. I tried to swat it as I ran. So, it bit be in between the fingers, too.

that's not self-preservation, that's hive defense. self-preservation is more akin to a solitary scout or something being swatted at - a yellowjacket is more apt to turn and sting/bite, being that it's an asshole, but a honeybee is more apt to fly away. an object thrown at any hive, be it a honeybee or bald-faced hornet nest will result in an all-out attack squadron. even in this scenario, though, the yellowjackets and bald-faced hornets will be more tenacious and give chase for a longer time than the bees, probably even africanized bees.

Well it bit me in the ass, and I probably deserved it.