the vynsane asylum

This will be an ongoing advice column. One of us asks a question (based in reality) and another answers. Or more than one answers. Or whatever. We'll play it by ear.

First question (and this is a true incident from yesterday and earlier today):

Yesterday, as I was making lunch (~2:30 PM), my cell phone rang. As I've said before in other threads, I hate cell phones. Very few people call me during the day, and they all know that, if they want me to call back, to leave a message. Figuring it's Mrs A, I don't get it (so as not to burn anything).

So I have a message. A lady from some company I've never heard of is trying to contact a guy with what sounds like an Arabic name at some window furnishings company, and says she was given this number as his cell phone. Obviously, that would not be me, and this is a wrong number. The area code is in Texas, a far cry from SoCal. I figure that either it was a total misdial, and they'll figure it out, or someone wrote down the wrong number (assuming, of course, this guy didn't totally BS a number that happens to be mine just to dodge this lady for whatever reason). But, I'm a nice guy. I decide I'll call back later in the day to tell her I had the wrong number. And, it not being my business, it totally slips my mind.

So this morning (~9--again, while in the kitchen making food!), I get another call and another beep that there's a message. Same number. Obviously this is no mere misdial. This time, despite it not even being 24 hours later, the lady is rude and snappy and says she's been "consistently leaving messages" and needs a response today.

So, I already know what I'm doing next. (I deleted the messages and changed my outgoing message to actually include my name. If she wasn't a bitch, I'd've called her right back after getting the message. Obviously her info is wrong. But, hey, if I don't know you and you treat me like shit on my voicemail thinking erroneously I'm someone else, a big old "fuck you" to you.)

But I think your responses to "What should I do about this?" will be funnier.

I would get the number, then call from random (but always different and NEVER one linked directly to you) phones and scream obscenities at her, then end off with a good ol blast of 3 until the number gets changed due to the constant barrage of BS

I'll wait for a few more responses before considering adding another query

I would call her back and order the most expensive shit they have for the guy

give us ALL the number and we can pretend to be the guy, and say that we didn't get back to her because our spouses died or something. make her feel like real shit.

almost like a phone version of nerbling.

vynsane wrote:give us ALL the number and we can pretend to be the guy, and say that we didn't get back to her because our spouses died or something. make her feel like real shit.

almost like a phone version of nerbling.

Oh, I'd do that. Even if she has caller ID its just the WB switchboard. No way to find out who called her. I'd tell her we've decided not to do business with her because of that pending pedophile charge she has in the state of TX. We can't afford to be seen doing business with lousy child molesters. Bitch.

Call her back and bitch her out in a thick, offensive Arabic accent. Tell her to suck your nuts and whatnot.

Wow.

I realize this is not the intent with which I started this thread (to be funny), but I have to post it anyway, and no point in starting a new thread.

I got a call 10 minutes ago from the same number. This time, I was able to get to the phone and check the caller ID. I saw the number, and thought, "Fuck it. She'll hear the name on the voicemail, which is a different message from the generic one I had, and get a clue."

She left another fucking message for Mr Ibrahim!! Despite my name now being on there!

She has given a 1-800 number with extension (not the number that shows up on the caller ID), so I'm going to wait until tonight, call her when I know they're closed (so I get voicemail and she can't interrupt and apologize or whatever), and say that I'm getting fucking sick of getting home and repeatedly finding messages for some guy I've never even heard of, rudely chastizing me because this other guy isn't returning her calls, and not to call again or I'll contact the appropriate authorities as my number is on the no-call list. At least she should stop calling. Hopefully it'll scare her a little.

or just tell her that you have one of her cats and if she ever wants to see mister whiskles again, to stop calling.

Or go overboard with JJL's idea (though, upon further thought, methinks the name is Turkish) with some weird Borat/Arabic accent:
"Sorry I not call. I busy making whore out of your youngest daughter. She do things I never experience in native Hungaristan. I surprised her ay-noos not so stretched out from nasty thing she do that she not able to control bowel."

Forward your cell to 1-900-COCK-SUK.

This part takes the cake.

I forgot to call and bitch her out over the weekend. Again, calling people in other states to tell them they have a wrong number ceases to be a priority when they bitch at me on my phone for something I don't even know about and have nothing to do with.

About an hour ago, I'm in the room away from the phone. It rings. I don't rush to get it. I get a message, which I think is from Mrs Anarky telling me when her lunch is scheduled (today's the first day of school, and she promised to call me to let me know when that is).

Instead:

Hello, this message is directed to [Anarky]. This is [so-and-so] with [such-and-such]. I've been leaving messages for [Turkish sounding name] with [his window company].

And I'm expecting to hear "I just learned we have the wrong number and wanted to apologize for any inconvenience." Instead I then hear:

I'm not sure what your affiliation with [Mr Turk] is, but my company was given this number to contact him, and I need to know if you've forwarded the messages to him. Please call me back at [her number] as soon as possible and verify whether you have given him the message.

What. The. FUCK?

I have to assume that the name she's been giving is her married name, and her maiden name is Flantdig. There really is no other explanation. Honestly, this woman is so fucking dense, I'm at a loss for words with which to insult her.

I am (definitely) going to call tonight. This time, I'm making up a bullshit story. I'm telling her that for the past few days, I've come home and my daughter told me that she found a message for a wrong number on our answering machine, and that I changed the outgoing message to clearly identify myself on the second day when she said the caller was rude and belligerent, but apparently this didn't get the point across. Today, she saved the message since you asked for me by name, but I have no clue who you are or this person is that you're calling. And the best part: I would appreciate it if you'd stop calling, as my daughter just started staying home by herself a few weeks ago, and these calls are making her very nervous. (I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't feel like shit if they were told they were scaring a kid.)

And hey! I just checked the message so I could look up the company that's harassing me online. I didn't notice before, but the last two messages referred to her company not as a contractor, as she's said in the past, but a financial services company.

So this is like when my brother (or Mrs A's sister--both have done it) went to a check cashing place and put us down as references. Only in this case, the guy was likely a deadbeat to begin with and gave a fake number.

Given how obnoxious these sort of guys are (they lend money without calling references, then call the references when the bill is overdue--I think I bitched about this in more detail before), I'm even less inclined to bother with them.

But making this bimbo think she scared a kid still appeals to me.

Triple! Take it all, Grimlock!

I had tried looking up the company name. No results. Turns out I misheard it. On the off chance, I looked up the phone number. Turns out this is a collection agency. And guess what? They've got a long history of calling people at wrong numbers and doing this shit, and even have pending litigation against them.

better business bureau their ass. and then call them.

Looks like they were hit with a massive fine by the FTC for their practices, and kicked out of the BBB accreditation for that and other reasons. A real bunch of winners here.

http://houston.bbb.org/WWWRoot/Report.a ... firm=63927