Design the most effective political ad ever

[anarky]

My entry. (I'll use Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman because I'm so fucking sick of the pathetic muzak Whitman has used in every commercial she's aired, which is every commercial break on almost every channel for the last several months.)

A site surreptitiously searches your computer for images with the word "grandma" in the title, uploads it, and extracts your grandma's face. Then it shows you a video of Meg Whitman skullfucking someone, with your grandma's face digitally superimposed while Motorhead plays and a cartoon of Satan dances in the background.

Finally, it ends with a picture of Jerry Brown (think Peter Boyle if you don't know what he looks like) in a suit, with a voiceover that says, "Vote Jerry Brown for governor. Because otherwise Meg Whitman will skullfuck your grandmother."

[Geoff Peterson]

Sorry that's not in my contract, Craig.

Love it!

Nailed it!

[Zaphod]

i could probably completely decide the course of the callifornia election if i released the videotape i made while fucking meg whitman's brains out. you wouldn't know to look at that manly beast, but she is amazing; a lot tighter than that carly fiorina. the only thing is, i didn't get any of the fuck sessions on videotape where her illegal maid joined in for a nasty hot 'n' wild three-way, though i did get audio of one of those menage-a-troises. that would cinch the election for brown. which i'd do in a heartbeat if he'd return the rambling message i leave on his answering machine, saying i can secure the election for him if only he'll swear to sing "putting on the ritz" like peter boyle during his swearing-in.

[Rollo Tomassi]

My campaign would be something like this. A Peter Cullen type VO says "Candidate X wants to reduce the federal deficit by selling your daughters to evil foreigners in other countries. Who are probably terrorists. Because they love little white girls. So vote for Candidate Z."
Then have one of those nerdy fast talking announcers rapidly say "This ad paid for by the Anonymous Lying Douche Foundation. We make shit up and get away with it because Congress passed a bill and that's what our lobbyists in Washington paid for."

The second ad in the series would have the gravelly voiced announcer saying "Candidate Z wants to round up all the old people in the country and put them in camps. Camps where they'll spend the rest of their lives digging a giant canal on the Mexican Border. To keep the foreigners out. So vote for Candidate X. Because he hates your old people less than the other guy."

[Ran]

If Sharon Angle beats Harry Reid, it will prove that you can win an election without stating your stance on anything. Her entire campaign boils down to "Harry Reid is bad, and I'm not Harry Reid".

[anarky]

When she did state positions (entirely before the primary), they were batshit insane. Or at least far out of the mainstream.

Worked for Rand Paul, though. I have a feeling he might be a bit of a rude awakening--libertarianism doesn't work the way most people think it works. And one cannot be (sorry, both Senator and Congressman Paul) a true libertarian and favor strict abortion restrictions.

[anarky]

Here's one that would be effective and absolutely true.

A thirty-second spot that's a close-up of Michele Bachmann. There's music playing; it can either be calliope music, or "O Fortuna," or maybe something bizarre like Pat Boone's cover of "Holy Diver." Or maybe it's silent.

After 25 seconds, an announcer says, "Vote for [whoever is running against Bachmann]. Because that bitch is crazy."

I know comic writers troll our forums for ideas. If there's a political strategist doing the same, go ahead and use that. You don't have to pay me. You don't even have to acknowledge or thank me. Just run it, and get that crazy bitch out of the news cycle for even just a week, I beg of you.

[Ran]

Its has been months since she has had much coverage. Probably since she said that those shots that prevent cancer in women are bad. The only reason she's in the news right now is because the state of Iowa pointed out that no one likes her so she dropped out. Well, that and her ad that compared her to Tim Tebow, but that was really more of a Tebow article than a Bachman article.

Finally.

[Rollo Tomassi]

So, the population of Iowa is 3 million. About 119,000 caucusers turned out yesterday. And only about 25% of those voted for the "winner(s)". That's less than 29,000 people. That's a small town's population. So that's less than 1% of the state saying "Santorum. He's our guy."

Anyway. The political ad would say. "Santorum. He's got the 1% in his corner. A clear choice for President in 2012."

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Another ad would be pro-Bachman.

"Michelle Bachman is against Bullying in Schools. Unless you're bullying queers. Then it's okay. BACHMANN. THE CONSERVATIVE CANDIDATE."

Or another Bachmann ad. It's just her sitting in a chair in front of a fire. She says. "Hello. I'm Michelle Bachmann. I'm the clear Conservative choice for President. If this were 100 years ago, I'd actually be opposed to Suffrage and wouldn't even be allowed to vote, much less hold the office of President. So pick me and we can keep trying to hamstring progress as long as possible. And pass laws against the gays. Thank you."