The vynsane.com story!

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 6:20 pm

Ring, ring!

"Hello, you've reached The Four Horsemen. This is John speaking. In what way may I assist you?"

"Aww, man! I wanted the Hoff!"

"I'm sorry, Mr Hasselhoff is out of the office--

"You don't understand, man! I'm a huge Hoff fan. I even once got banned from a Star Wars nerd site for registering multiple Hasselhoff-related identities. I need to speak to the Hoff!"

"He's out of town," said John, fiddling with the letter-opener. "Everyone went home for Mother's Day. I stayed here because some friends from out of town are visiting my parents, and I wanted to make sure they had the whole weekend open for their friends. Mr and Mrs Thegrins, I think it was. Can I assist you in righting wrongs, avenging evil, kicking ass, or picking up hot chicks?"

"Well, I suppose you'll have to do. I need some help, and I need it quick. Well, I guess it can wait until Monday. I want the Hoff to help you out on this case."

"I'm entirely used to being the fourth most popular. But has Hasselhoff ever appeared in a chick flick where he played a blind guy?" There was stunned silence on the other end of the line. After a few seconds, John Malkovich assumed he had made his point, whatever his point was. "Now, what seems to be the problem?"

"I run this website, see? Mostly a bunch of stupid dick and fart jokes. Anyway, last night, I was jumped by a gang of otters. They threatened to kill me if I couldn't advertise their kiddie porno sites on my site. Trouble is, they want me to prove that I have some ridiculous number of active users."

"That doesn't sound too bad," said John. "Otters are more likely to rip your head off and piss in your neckhole than allow you a way to get out of their nefarious schemes. So what do you want the Horsemen to do for you?"

"Some of my regular posters went missing a while back. There's Homeless Man, Becker, Sugah Honey, lavapajamaboy, and The Ghost of Bizarro Slicker. Oh, and this one guy, Nerbler, should probably be there, too. But they all vanished. I asked my moderators to help, but they've been busy planning some cruise, and all I could get out of them was, 'Me not care about fleshlings now. Me want to get gorgeous tan, pick up female stegosaurus robots.' It's quite frustrating. But I don't know where else to turn. Help me, John Malkovich. You're my only hope."

"We'll get on it right away," said John. He hung up the phone, then sighed heavily. "I'm going to need all the Four Horsemen and Andy to solve this one."

Post by **vynsane** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:44 pm

meanwhile, overhearing the conversation from the confines of his lofted bunkbed, steve buscemi asks

"won't you need my help, too? my teeth alone could scare the otters away!"

to wit, john replied...

"yes, i will need your help. give my dog a bath. just be careful, he splashes... and has a taste for human flesh."

'but that's not really a dog!" exclaimed buscemi... "it's..."

Dell Rusk · Post by **Dell Rusk** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:28 am

david hasselhoff, he has returned!

yay said john malkovich

man i had fun said david hasselhoff, i kissed a lot of boys

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:33 am

"What?" cried John. "I had no idea! Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. I just figured if one of us swung that way, it would've been Walken."

The Hoff laughed. "John, haven't you heard of The Legion of Nefarious BOYs? Y'know, the Babes Of Yemen?"

"I didn't realize they were still around," said John. "After we fucked their lovely brains out last time, I figured they'd be burned as heretics, or beheaded, or something."

"Yeah, well, somehow they managed to convince the Yemeni authorities that they're not seedy women. So I had to go and fuck them all. Again. This time on national TV. There'll be no squirming their way out of this one once the Saudis see that footage. I think their baby-selling days are over."

"Excellent. Which brings me to what is going to have to be our next mission. . . ."

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:48 am

...We must free captured rebels from the Bothans. It will be a difficult mission, because they are being held in Romulan territory. Our first objective is...

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 4:01 pm

to find out where the Bothans base is.

I know said....

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 9:12 pm

Adrian Brody.

"Dude, what the fuck?" asked John. "You're supposed to only be in the cartoon."

"Just thought I'd stop by," answered Adrian. "You know, in case you have any giant apes to kill, or if you need to survive a holocaust or something."

"Eh, he can stick around," said the Hoff. "Just as long as he doesn't steal all the chicks, you know what I'm--

"BAM!!"

David, Steve, and Adrian leaped into defense mode. "Wh-what was that?"

"BAM!!"

"Oh, that would be our new cook," said John. "Yesterday I took the liberty of hiring Emeril Lagasse to make all our grub. Speaking of which, I'm famished."

"BAM!! BAM!!"

"Is Rachael Ray down there, too?" said David. "I haven't banged her in weeks!"

Dell Rusk · Post by **Dell Rusk** » Tue Aug 08, 2006 10:59 am

of coarse u havent said adrin bodie, u r a gay wad! u r gayer than that ugly guy from that dum king kong movie with the big nose!

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Tue Aug 08, 2006 12:14 pm

"You mean the hero from King Kong?" asked John, a bit flabbergasted. "The dude who made out with Halle Berry on the Oscars?"

"That is him lol," said Adrian.

"You mean Adrian Brody?" asked Steve.

"Yeah he is a gay froot," said Adrian.

"In other words, you," said David. "Or the guy you're pretending to be! Why are speaking in misspellings all of a sudden?"

Steve tackled "Adrian" and John prepared to rip his mask off. "Now let's see which Flantdig this really is!" said John.

He tore off "Adrian"'s mask to reveal. . . .

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Tue Aug 08, 2006 4:03 pm

Jango Fett. He is under every mask.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 10:07 pm

"Not the old gardener?" asked Jango. "I thought he was under every mask. Man, Scooby's going to be pissed!"

Bizarro The Grin · Post by **Bizarro The Grin** » Sun Aug 13, 2006 7:16 pm

nOT NEARLY AS PISSED AS WHEN HE WALKED IN ON ME PORKING HIS FATHER, SCOOBY-DAD!

GNT · Post by **GNT** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 6:17 pm

Suddenly, a huge fight occured between the which resulted in....

GNT · Post by **GNT** » Sun Aug 27, 2006 1:03 pm

...GNT who was back from being a Vegas Dancer!The message stated...

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Sun Aug 27, 2006 2:24 pm

GNT had a sex change operation and is now the goat.