i went to a club last night and it turned out feist was playing there. i wasn't too familiar with her. it was some pretty decent music, but this other guy got drunk from one too many corona lights and started heckling her. he told her he didn't want to hear her weak-ass folk shit and she needed to show some titties. one of his friends actually grabbed her foot and tried to pull her into the audience. i went over and said to him, "look, man, the lady is here to sing, not put up with your shit. we got in a fight and i totally kicked his ass. i kept yelling dumb shit like, "your mama's a chicken and here's the goddamn colonel sanders!" as i beat his ass. needless to say, she was shaken up and didn't want to finish the show. i said she could come to my house and wash up since there wasn't any water in the ladies' room. she said yes and we went back and she was impressed with my beer bottle collection. it seems she has a fixation with taking the labels off budweiser bottles and gluing them back on upside down, too.
the next thing i know, i was fucking feist's brains out on the rug and she was calling me a stallion. i have never encountered a woman whose pussy was so wet. it was like sticking my dick in a can of manwich. fuck, it was awesome. best imaginary female rocker sex i've had since last monday, when k.t. tunstall walked in on me haberdashing 1975 nancy wilson in an otherwise deserted epcot center and joined in and we had a great three-way on that slow ride with the silly purple dragon.
feist
Moderators: Zero, John Madden, Bob Ross, General Zod, Richard Simmons, Batman
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Senor JabbaJohnL
- I HAVE THE POWER!!!
- Posts: 2785
- Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:17 pm
Re: feist
Hmm. Feist is taking a break from music, so even the most believable part of your story is completely unbelievable. 
Shit. I can't think of a good signature.
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anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 18049
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: feist
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, JJL? The incredibly ridiculous story that winds up being an insane fantasy, the comparison of a vagina to a can of sloppy joes (okay, maybe not that), the use of the word "haberdasher" in an explicitly sexual manner, and, best of all, "your mama's a chicken and here's the goddamn colonel sanders!" That's gold right there.
You're still severely fucked in the head and frighten me, but it's good to have you back, and not as a Doctor Douche impostor.
You're still severely fucked in the head and frighten me, but it's good to have you back, and not as a Doctor Douche impostor.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
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anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 18049
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: feist
I'd like to dedicate this to JJL and to Zaphod, if you're still around:
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
Re: feist
Yeah! Elmo likes counting to four with his friends!
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anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 18049
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: feist
If I wasn't a member here, I would wonder about the acknowledgement in the liner notes to Metals that says, "Special thanks to Zaphod, the most insanely awesome imaginary nerd sex I've ever not had in someone's parents' basement."
But I am a member here, so I know. And that's got to be, what, half the battle?
But I am a member here, so I know. And that's got to be, what, half the battle?
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
