If I vanish for ten years

[Zaphod]

i hope i'm dead. or on a desert island where scientists have cloned marilyn monroe.

but you should probably arrest tomassi anyway.

[anarky]

Ten years? Every time you vanish for ten minutes, I hope you're dead.

ZING!!

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Is a desert island possible? Thats, what, an island IN the desert? Did you mean Tropical island? Or desertED island?

And why would 'Tomassi' need to be arrested? Are you implying foul play? And which Tomassi? There's a dozen of them. Us. What's the motive?

[anarky]

I think it might be connected to that time that a neighbor called 911 and told them a naked Zaphod was crawling around in your backyard, and they blew her off.

Reading the story I assume Zaphod is mocking, I'm just fucking glad I've never been in danger in Cleveland, because those fuckers are stupid.

[Tom Foolery]

Well, at least we know which Rollo it is. Rollo Orange lives in Cleveland.

[Diabolical]

or on a desert island where scientists have cloned marilyn monroe

I hope its this one, so you are stuck raising a cloned child that will someday grow up to be really hot, but think of you only as her father.

[anarky]

Nah. I just hope he's dead.

All seriousness, there need to be some major league motherfucking firings, at the very least, in Ohio. The way various agencies that are supposed to look out for the public good were criminally negligent just boggles the mind.

Yeah, I hijacked your thread, you Hamburglar-looking motherfucker.

This whole thing is really disturbing as fuck. I'm not talking about the sickos; unfortunately, human depravity no longer shocks me the way it should, because I think people are capable of any sick shit anyone can dream up. But, goddamn, how many fucking calls from different people reporting naked women on dog leashes do you have to receive before you fucking check one out? Even if it's some consensual bondage stuff, you don't do it outside! That's a fucking crime right there.

There's so much more. I normally don't even pay attention to this sort of story, because it's all about giving every lurid detail possible to titillate the audience, and the victims need to be left the fuck alone. But the disturbing angle here is how fucking lazy the cops, the 911 dispatchers, even the fucking school system inspectors were.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

As I've stated before numerous times, Ohio and Arizona are running neck and neck for dumbest States in the Union.

[anarky]

Mississippi and Texas are up there, too. And, with Sanford being elected in South Carolina, it proves they're definitely in the running.

(I'm not even giving a shit about his politics. But if you've got a governor who abandons his post, and no one knows where the fuck he is for days, and then he resurfaces with an absurd lie, but it quickly comes out that he was traveling to fucking Argentina to fuck some bimbo on the taxpayers' dime, and his wife dumps him and the day after the election he's scheduled to be in court for trespassing in her home after the divorce AND YOU STILL ELECT THE FUCKER TO CONGRESS, then you are pretty fucking stupid.)