Ever get wrongfully accused...

[anarky]

...for something you do often, but you aren't at the time you're accused, so it offends you?

Today, my wife and I were sitting in the car in a parking lot. We were looking through a textbook she'd picked up, trying to come up with plans. A woman walked by the car. I yawned about this time, and stretched my neck.

She says, "I saw you totally checking her out." Not exactly offended, but not happy, either.

Granted, I often "check out" women. But not this one. I was barely even aware she was there, and what I recall seeing was fugly as hell.

I dunno; I'm a little more subtle, I think, when ogling fine ladies. I've never been caught by anyone. But my wife thinks I was in one of the few situations where I wasn't.

Crazy, eh?

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

My ex-girlfriend from two years ago accused me of jacking off when I was seriously just wiping my ass. For some reason that's what she thought masturbating sounded like, I guess. Well also she was crazy.

Can't a man wipe his own ass anymore?

[vynsane]

Can't a man wipe his own ass anymore?

talk to me when you have a wife AND child... there is no privacy anymore...

[Tom Foolery]

My ex-girlfriend from two years ago accused me of jacking off when I was seriously just wiping my ass. For some reason that's what she thought masturbating sounded like, I guess. Well also she was crazy.

Can't a man wipe his own ass anymore?

If she thought you were jacking off while taking a deuce, she should've offered you a blumpkin.

[Jargo]

my other half has taken to accusing me of letting rip with foul bowel gas on several occasions recently and I've been entirely innocent. I do let off thunderous guffs regularly. I'm known for making the couch vibrate with them but now it seems that any noise even remotely similar or in fact dissimilar is down to my pink pucker. We have a dog and even he doesn't get blamed for it. It's most unfair. Especially as when I do let rip with a trouser trumpet solo I tend to own it. I'm proud of my prowess. So to be blamed for lesser and pathetic sounds which aren't emanating from my choccy starfish is most galling.